Secondhand Therapy

Codependency Is Controlling Your Relationships (And You Don’t See It) | #120

Codependency, people-pleasing, and losing yourself in love — how to break the cycle and build real intimacy.
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Support the pod:PATREON - http://patreon.com/secondhandtherapypodMERCH - http://secondhandtherapypod.com
Psychic Source:
Go to our sponsor https://trypsychicsource.com/sht10 and use our code sht10 to try up to 40 minutes with an advisor for just $19.80. That is up to a $240 value!
BetterHelp:
If you’re struggling, consider therapy with our sponsor. Visit https://betterhelp.com/secondhandtherapy for a discount on your first month of therapy. #sponsored
If you have questions about the brand relating to how the therapists are credentialed, their privacy policy, or therapist compensation, here is an overview written by the YouTube creators behind the channel Cinema Therapy that goes into these topics: https://www.reddit.com/r/cinema_therapy/comments/1dpriql/addressing_the_betterhelp_concerns_headon_deep/
Southern New Hampshire University:
Go to https://snhu.edu/sht to explore over 200 degree programs and find your path forward. #sponsored
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Why do we lose ourselves in relationships, chase validation, and confuse caretaking with love?
This week we sit down with Ken to unpack the reality of codependency — from people-pleasing, conflict avoidance, and attachment anxiety to the addiction of needing validation from partners. We talk CoDA meetings, self-worth, intimacy avoidance, honesty in relationships, and the uncomfortable process of learning boundaries without losing compassion.
If you’ve ever felt responsible for fixing your partner, struggled to express needs, or stayed in unhealthy dynamics out of fear of abandonment, this episode will hit hard.
We also get into:• why codependent people struggle with identity• the difference between love and emotional dependency• learning to stop controlling outcomes and tolerate discomfort• how honesty builds real intimacy (even when it’s terrifying)• breaking the cycle of choosing “projects” instead of partners
This is a vulnerable, funny, and deeply honest conversation about recovery, relationships, and learning to finally choose yourself.
BUSINESS INQUIRIES: business@shtpod.comFollow us here:http://instagram.com/secondhandtherapypodhttp://tiktok.com/@secondhandtherapypod Contact us:secondhandtherapypod@gmail.com818-850-2448PO BOX 230595, Las Vegas, NV 89105Cover Art Design: Louie PaolettiTheme Music: Jamie Franks

Are You Addicted to Misery? Dry Drunk Behavior, Earned Love & Why Happiness Feels Impossible | #119

Exploring dry drunk behavior, earned love, and why misery can feel safer than happiness.
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Support the pod:PATREON - http://patreon.com/secondhandtherapypodMERCH - http://secondhandtherapypod.com
Psychic Source:
Go to our sponsor https://trypsychicsource.com/sht10 and use our code sht10 to try up to 40 minutes with an advisor for just $19.80. That is up to a $240 value!
BetterHelp:
If you’re struggling, consider therapy with our sponsor. Visit https://betterhelp.com/secondhandtherapy for a discount on your first month of therapy. #sponsored
If you have questions about the brand relating to how the therapists are credentialed, their privacy policy, or therapist compensation, here is an overview written by the YouTube creators behind the channel Cinema Therapy that goes into these topics: https://www.reddit.com/r/cinema_therapy/comments/1dpriql/addressing_the_betterhelp_concerns_headon_deep/
Southern New Hampshire University:
Go to https://snhu.edu/sht to explore over 200 degree programs and find your path forward. #sponsored
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In this episode, we unpack the uncomfortable idea of being a “dry drunk” — not addicted to substances, but addicted to behaviors, control, and emotional suffering.
What starts as a conversation about sobriety quickly turns into something deeper: the fear that happiness isn’t real, the belief that love must be earned, and the quiet ways self-worth gets shaped by childhood experiences.
We talk about feeling stuck in survival mode, struggling to accept love without performing for it, and why misery can feel safer than healing. From identity confusion to self-neglect, people-pleasing, and the anxiety of being perceived, this episode explores the internal battles that don’t always look dramatic from the outside — but feel overwhelming on the inside.
If you’ve ever felt like you’re self-aware but still trapped in the same patterns… this conversation will hit close to home.
BUSINESS INQUIRIES: business@shtpod.comFollow us here:http://instagram.com/secondhandtherapypodhttp://tiktok.com/@secondhandtherapypod Contact us:secondhandtherapypod@gmail.com818-850-2448PO BOX 230595, Las Vegas, NV 89105Cover Art Design: Louie PaolettiTheme Music: Jamie Franks

If the World Ended in 14 Days… Who Would You Choose? | Attachment, Self-Sabotage & Seeking a Friend | #118

If the world ended in 14 days, who would you choose — and why are you scared to choose anyone?
Support the pod:PATREON - http://patreon.com/secondhandtherapypodMERCH - http://secondhandtherapypod.com
BetterHelp:
If you’re struggling, consider therapy with our sponsor. Visit https://betterhelp.com/secondhandtherapy for a discount on your first month of therapy. #sponsored
If you have questions about the brand relating to how the therapists are credentialed, their privacy policy, or therapist compensation, here is an overview written by the YouTube creators behind the channel Cinema Therapy that goes into these topics: https://www.reddit.com/r/cinema_therapy/comments/1dpriql/addressing_the_betterhelp_concerns_headon_deep/
The Maca Team:
Louie really does take Maca every day. (He takes Black and Tri-Blend). He loves it.
http://themacateam.com/secondhandtherapy
promo code: bearcub for 10% off
Light Phone:
Louie really does have and use a Light Phone III. He loves it.
https://www.thelightphone.com/shop?ref=mmexymn
promo code: secondhandtherapy for $50 off pre-order of Light Phone III
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What would you do if the world was ending in 14 days?
This week on Secondhand Therapy, we break down Seeking a Friend for the End of the World through a therapy lens — and it gets personal fast. We talk about attachment styles, fear of abandonment, self-sabotage, purpose, loneliness, and the urge to unblock your ex when mortality hits.
Would you numb out with chaos… or search for connection?Would you end it with family, your partner, or alone?And why does control feel safer than vulnerability?
This episode dives into:
Anxious vs avoidant attachment
Preemptive abandonment
Fear of being “too much”
Existential anxiety & meaning
Why we sabotage love before it can hurt us
It’s funny. It’s uncomfortable. It’s deeply honest.
If the clock were ticking — who would you choose?
BUSINESS INQUIRIES: business@shtpod.comFollow us here:http://instagram.com/secondhandtherapypodhttp://tiktok.com/@secondhandtherapypod Contact us:secondhandtherapypod@gmail.com818-850-2448PO BOX 230595, Las Vegas, NV 89105Cover Art Design: Louie PaolettiTheme Music: Jamie Franks

Why Happiness Feels Unsafe | #117

Why happiness feels unsafe, how fear and guilt take over, and why letting your guard down feels dangerous.
Support the pod:PATREON - http://patreon.com/secondhandtherapypodMERCH - http://secondhandtherapypod.com
BetterHelp:
If you’re struggling, consider therapy with our sponsor. Visit https://betterhelp.com/secondhandtherapy for a discount on your first month of therapy.
If you have questions about the brand relating to how the therapists are credentialed, their privacy policy, or therapist compensation, here is an overview written by the YouTube creators behind the channel Cinema Therapy that goes into these topics: https://www.reddit.com/r/cinema_therapy/comments/1dpriql/addressing_the_betterhelp_concerns_headon_deep/
The Maca Team:
Louie really does take Maca every day. (He takes Black and Tri-Blend). He loves it.
http://themacateam.com/secondhandtherapy
promo code: bearcub for 10% off
Light Phone:
Louie really does have and use a Light Phone III. He loves it.
https://www.thelightphone.com/shop?ref=mmexymn
promo code: secondhandtherapy for $50 off pre-order of Light Phone III
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Why does happiness feel dangerous? In this episode of Second Hand Therapy, we break down fear, sadness, guilt, and the belief that joy invites punishment. Using the feelings wheel, therapy insights, and personal stories about grief, superstition, self-sabotage, and emotional isolation, we explore why letting your guard down can feel unsafe—and how protecting yourself might actually be keeping you stuck.
This episode covers emotional programming, fear of success, pride vs. gratitude, inherited coping mechanisms, and why some of us feel more comfortable in misery than peace. Dark humor, honesty, and introspection—this is not therapy, but it is real.
BUSINESS INQUIRIES: business@shtpod.comFollow us here:http://instagram.com/secondhandtherapypodhttp://tiktok.com/@secondhandtherapypod Contact us:secondhandtherapypod@gmail.com818-850-2448PO BOX 230595, Las Vegas, NV 89105Cover Art Design: Louie PaolettiTheme Music: Jamie Franks

Why I Know the Right Thing — and Still Don’t Do It | #116

Why knowing the right choice doesn’t mean we’ll make it—self-sabotage, permission, and productivity guilt.
Support the pod:PATREON - http://patreon.com/secondhandtherapypodMERCH - http://secondhandtherapypod.com
BetterHelp:
If you’re struggling, consider therapy with our sponsor. Visit https://betterhelp.com/secondhandtherapy for a discount on your first month of therapy.
If you have questions about the brand relating to how the therapists are credentialed, their privacy policy, or therapist compensation, here is an overview written by the YouTube creators behind the channel Cinema Therapy that goes into these topics: https://www.reddit.com/r/cinema_therapy/comments/1dpriql/addressing_the_betterhelp_concerns_headon_deep/
The Maca Team:
Louie really does take Maca every day. (He takes Black and Tri-Blend). He loves it.
http://themacateam.com/secondhandtherapy
promo code: bearcub for 10% off
Light Phone:
Louie really does have and use a Light Phone III. He loves it.
https://www.thelightphone.com/shop?ref=mmexymn
promo code: secondhandtherapy for $50 off pre-order of Light Phone III
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Why do we avoid the things we know are good for us?
In this episode of Second Hand Therapy, we unpack the frustrating loop of knowing the right choice—and still doing the opposite. From routines, gym habits, food decisions, and productivity, to deeper conversations about permission, self-worth, and why “doing the task” isn’t the same as experiencing it.
We talk about:
All-or-nothing thinking and overwhelm
Why productivity becomes identity
Permission, avoidance, and self-sabotage
Therapy insights on routine, ADHD, and motivation
The difference between function and joy
Why caring for yourself feels harder than it should
This is a raw, funny, and uncomfortable conversation about self-discipline, self-compassion, and why taking care of yourself isn’t as simple as “just doing it.”
We’re not therapists. This is not professional advice.
BUSINESS INQUIRIES: business@shtpod.comFollow us here:http://instagram.com/secondhandtherapypodhttp://tiktok.com/@secondhandtherapypod Contact us:secondhandtherapypod@gmail.com818-850-2448PO BOX 230595, Las Vegas, NV 89105Cover Art Design: Louie PaolettiTheme Music: Jamie Franks

Anxiety With No Trigger, Body Image Shame & “Higher Self” | #115

Anxiety with no trigger, body image shame, food guilt, and the pressure of becoming your “higher self.”
Support the pod:PATREON - http://patreon.com/secondhandtherapypodMERCH - http://secondhandtherapypod.com
BetterHelp:
If you’re struggling, consider therapy with our sponsor. Visit https://betterhelp.com/secondhandtherapy for a discount on your first month of therapy.
If you have questions about the brand relating to how the therapists are credentialed, their privacy policy, or therapist compensation, here is an overview written by the YouTube creators behind the channel Cinema Therapy that goes into these topics: https://www.reddit.com/r/cinema_therapy/comments/1dpriql/addressing_the_betterhelp_concerns_headon_deep/
The Maca Team:
Louie really does take Maca every day. (He takes Black and Tri-Blend). He loves it.
http://themacateam.com/secondhandtherapy
promo code: bearcub for 10% off
Light Phone:
Louie really does have and use a Light Phone III. He loves it.
https://www.thelightphone.com/shop?ref=mmexymn
promo code: secondhandtherapy for $50 off pre-order of Light Phone III
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What does it mean when anxiety shows up with no trigger? In this episode of Second Hand Therapy, we talk about living with anxiety in the body, learning to stop fighting it, and the frustration of being told to “just calm down.”
We unpack vulnerability, validation, and why some people need their feelings acknowledged out loud—while others don’t. The conversation turns to body image, weight gain, food guilt, perfectionism, and why moderation feels impossible for some people.
We also explore parts work, routines vs survival mode, and the pressure of the “higher self” mindset—when motivation turns into self-shame.
This episode is an honest, funny, and uncomfortable look at anxiety, mental health, food, and learning how (and when) to show up for yourself.
BUSINESS INQUIRIES: business@shtpod.comFollow us here:http://instagram.com/secondhandtherapypodhttp://tiktok.com/@secondhandtherapypod Contact us:secondhandtherapypod@gmail.com818-850-2448PO BOX 230595, Las Vegas, NV 89105Cover Art Design: Louie PaolettiTheme Music: Jamie Franks

Being "Nice" is Ruining Your Life | #114

People-pleasing, fear of failure, and how your mom’s voice became your inner critic.
Support the pod:PATREON - http://patreon.com/secondhandtherapypodMERCH - http://secondhandtherapypod.com
BetterHelp:
If you’re struggling, consider therapy with our sponsor. Visit https://betterhelp.com/secondhandtherapy for a discount on your first month of therapy.
If you have questions about the brand relating to how the therapists are credentialed, their privacy policy, or therapist compensation, here is an overview written by the YouTube creators behind the channel Cinema Therapy that goes into these topics: https://www.reddit.com/r/cinema_therapy/comments/1dpriql/addressing_the_betterhelp_concerns_headon_deep/
The Maca Team:
Louie really does take Maca every day. (He takes Black and Tri-Blend). He loves it.
http://themacateam.com/secondhandtherapy
promo code: bearcub for 10% off
Light Phone:
Louie really does have and use a Light Phone III. He loves it.
https://www.thelightphone.com/shop?ref=mmexymn
promo code: secondhandtherapy for $50 off pre-order of Light Phone III
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Why is it so hard to say “I don’t know”?Why does being liked feel like survival?
In this episode of Second Hand Therapy, we unpack people-pleasing, fear of failure, and the invisible ways our parents shape our inner critic. One host shares what therapy is revealing about his need to be “nice,” his terror of messing up, and how his relationship with his mother quietly programmed his fear of rejection.
We talk about:
People-pleasing as a trauma response
Fear of failure and perfectionism
Why being “nice” blocks real connection
Feelings vs facts (and the stories we tell ourselves)
Productivity as a substitute for self-worth
Learning to say no without guilt
Wanting your parent to be more — and turning that disappointment inward
This episode explores how abandonment fear, emotional control, and self-worth get tangled together — and what it looks like to start unlearning those patterns in real time.
We’re not therapists. We’re just two people in therapy, talking honestly about what we’re learning.
If you struggle with people-pleasing, approval-seeking, fear of being disliked, or feeling like you’re never enough, this episode will hit close to home.
BUSINESS INQUIRIES: business@shtpod.comFollow us here:http://instagram.com/secondhandtherapypodhttp://tiktok.com/@secondhandtherapypod Contact us:secondhandtherapypod@gmail.com818-850-2448PO BOX 230595, Las Vegas, NV 89105Cover Art Design: Louie PaolettiTheme Music: Jamie Franks

Rage vs Doing the Right Thing | #113

When someone yells at your mom: anger, boundaries, emotional control, and doing the right thing.
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-BetterHelp:
If you’re struggling, consider therapy with our sponsor. Visit https://betterhelp.com/secondhandtherapy for a discount on your first month of therapy.
If you have questions about the brand relating to how the therapists are credentialed, their privacy policy, or therapist compensation, here is an overview written by the YouTube creators behind the channel Cinema Therapy that goes into these topics: https://www.reddit.com/r/cinema_therapy/comments/1dpriql/addressing_the_betterhelp_concerns_headon_deep/
-The Maca Team:
Louie really does take Maca every day. (He takes Black and Tri-Blend). He loves it.
http://themacateam.com/secondhandtherapy
promo code: bearcub for 10% off
-Light Phone:
Louie really does have and use a Light Phone III. He loves it.
https://www.thelightphone.com/shop?ref=mmexymn
promo code: secondhandtherapy for $50 off pre-order of Light Phone III
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What do you do when you hear someone raise their voice at your mom — and everything in your body wants to explode?
Today, we unpack a tense holiday moment that forces a deeper conversation about anger, boundaries, family dynamics, and emotional regulation. Louie shares a confrontation with his mother’s partner, before reflecting on how rage, fear, and protection instincts show up — even after years of therapy.
We also talk about:
Navigating a complicated relationship with your mother
Why “doing the right thing” can still feel awful
Anger vs. self-control and what emotional maturity actually looks like
Loneliness during the holidays and the push-pull of wanting connection
Learning to validate yourself instead of tearing yourself apart
What it means to be proud of yourself for the first time
This episode is about breaking old patterns, choosing accountability over aggression, and learning how to sit with uncomfortable emotions instead of acting them out.
We’re not therapists. We’re just two people in therapy, talking through what we’re learning in real time.
If you’re struggling with family conflict, holiday depression, anger issues, or feeling behind in life, this one’s for you. Thanks for being here... Secondhand Therapy.
BUSINESS INQUIRIES: business@shtpod.comFollow us here:http://instagram.com/secondhandtherapypodhttp://tiktok.com/@secondhandtherapypod Contact us:secondhandtherapypod@gmail.com818-850-2448PO BOX 230595, Las Vegas, NV 89105Cover Art Design: Louie PaolettiTheme Music: Jamie Franks

Having Emotionally Immature Parents | #070 Replay

Lou still hates a mismatch as he struggles with his desire to be more vulnerable. Lou and Michael discuss what it means to ask for emotional support. Lou's therapist dropped a bombshell on where shame comes from, especially if you had emotionally immature parents or if your parents always fixed your mistakes for you. Lou takes care of everything and hates it and loves it. Lou and Michael talk about whether we are alone in life. Sidenote: you can hear the extreme winds that spread fire across Los Angeles, throughout the episode. We did our best with the audio.
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-BetterHelp:
If you’re struggling, consider therapy with our sponsor. Visit https://betterhelp.com/secondhandtherapy for a discount on your first month of therapy.
If you have questions about the brand relating to how the therapists are credentialed, their privacy policy, or therapist compensation, here is an overview written by the YouTube creators behind the channel Cinema Therapy that goes into these topics: https://www.reddit.com/r/cinema_therapy/comments/1dpriql/addressing_the_betterhelp_concerns_headon_deep/
-The Maca Team:
Louie really does take Maca every day. (He takes Black and Tri-Blend). He loves it.
http://themacateam.com/secondhandtherapy
promo code: bearcub for 10% off
-Light Phone:
Louie really does have and use a Light Phone III. He loves it.
https://www.thelightphone.com/shop?ref=mmexymn
promo code: secondhandtherapy for $50 off pre-order of Light Phone III
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BUSINESS INQUIRIES: business@shtpod.comFollow us here:http://instagram.com/secondhandtherapypodhttp://tiktok.com/@secondhandtherapypod Contact us:secondhandtherapypod@gmail.com818-850-2448PO BOX 230595, Las Vegas, NV 89105Cover Art Design: Louie PaolettiTheme Music: Jamie Franks

Coping, Eating Disorders and a Helicopter Ride | #042 Replay

We welcome Jenny Zigrino to discuss loss, coping, addictive behaviors, and disordered eating—and what real recovery looks like when you stop avoiding the pain underneath it all.
An honest conversation about grief, relapse, shame, emotional regulation, and learning healthier ways to cope when life feels overwhelming.
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-BetterHelp:
If you’re struggling, consider therapy with our sponsor. Visit https://betterhelp.com/secondhandtherapy for a discount on your first month of therapy.
If you have questions about the brand relating to how the therapists are credentialed, their privacy policy, or therapist compensation, here is an overview written by the YouTube creators behind the channel Cinema Therapy that goes into these topics: https://www.reddit.com/r/cinema_therapy/comments/1dpriql/addressing_the_betterhelp_concerns_headon_deep/
-The Maca Team:
Louie really does take Maca every day. (He takes Black and Tri-Blend). He loves it.
http://themacateam.com/secondhandtherapy
promo code: bearcub for 10% off
-Light Phone:
Louie really does have and use a Light Phone III. He loves it.
https://www.thelightphone.com/shop?ref=mmexymn
promo code: secondhandtherapy for $50 off pre-order of Light Phone III
______
In this episode, we have an honest, unfiltered conversation about grief, coping mechanisms, addiction, recovery, and eating disorders—and how deeply connected they often are. We explore how unresolved grief can fuel addictive behaviors, disordered eating, emotional avoidance, and unhealthy coping strategies, and what recovery actually looks like beyond surface-level fixes.
We talk about substance addiction, behavioral addiction, food addiction, binge eating, restriction, relapse, emotional regulation, trauma responses, and shame, and how these patterns show up in everyday life and relationships. The conversation also touches on mental health recovery, therapy, self-awareness, harm reduction, relapse prevention, and building healthier coping tools when life feels overwhelming.
This episode is for anyone navigating loss, grief, addiction recovery, eating disorder recovery, mental health struggles, or the long, nonlinear process of healing. It’s raw, compassionate, and focused on understanding—not judgment.
BUSINESS INQUIRIES: business@shtpod.comFollow us here:http://instagram.com/secondhandtherapypodhttp://tiktok.com/@secondhandtherapypod Contact us:secondhandtherapypod@gmail.com818-850-2448PO BOX 230595, Las Vegas, NV 89105Cover Art Design: Louie PaolettiTheme Music: Jamie Franks